- Do you find yourself arguing with your children?
- Do you get your child to promise that he or she won’t do something again?
- Do you sometimes feel guilty that you have enforced a big punishment for a relatively minor misbehaviour?
- Do you sometimes threaten action that you know you won’t carry out?
- Do you find yourself saying things to your child that you regret later?
- Do you find you are repeating yourself a lot?
- Do you often give in to your child’s demands?
- Do you find that the more you punish, the more your child misbehaves?
If you find that you are doing these things a fair bit, then you are actually likely to be using punishment instead of positive discipline. Don’t worry, most people do, because that was all the rage when you were being brought up and we can only do what we already know! The problem with punishment is that the parent ends up being responsible for the children’s behaviour for longer. EXHAUSTING! The children just take so much longer to learn the skills that they need and to understand that they are in control of their own behaviour.
So how do you teach your children to grow up to be the people you want them to be?
With positive discipline. Positive discipline is not about punishment or control, it is about preparing, building up skills and focusing on solutions. Positive discipline is constructive, encouraging, helpful, loving, optimistic and above all SMART!!!!!! It saves time and improves relationships. It’s never too early or late to start. It is based on you respecting your child and you respecting yourself.
If you focus only on the needs of your child, it encourages dependence, a lack of courage and a lack of respect for others. If you focus only on your own needs and not the needs of the children, it encourages submission, fear and rebellion. Positive discipline is about being firm but kind, it brings hope, increased skills and love and belonging to your family. You know your children’s personality and can help them make more positive choices without breaking their spirit.
“Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly. “
When Kind and Firm parents notice things that are driving them to despair, they learn to step back and find out how to show their child what to do, instead of telling them what not to do. Kind and Firm parents look for solutions and take charge.
One parent found that she was repeating herself all the time. (Sound familiar?) She came up with a plan, then told her children that she would make sure she had their full attention and then she would say things one time. She told them that if they had questions, she would be happy to answer them, but she would not repeat herself. She followed through on this, and her children listened much better!
Tip: Act, don’t just tell.
To learn how to use positive discipline in your home, go to www.pepa.com.au